pop-tarts, prigozhin and empathy fatigue
plus: a fruit-filled flattening of taste
Two weeks ago, Yevgeny Prigozhin’s Wagner Group sparked a rebellion that posed the most serious challenge to Putin’s 23 years of power. Those longing for the war in Ukraine to end held their breath and thought:
Could a visible fracture in Russian military power reenergize waning western support?
Could this mean the end of the war?
Will this be the end of Putin’s reign?
What will a post-Putin Russia look like?
On that same afternoon I was making small talk with another mom in our daycare classroom as we headed back to the parking lot. How lovely our teachers are, how management is disorganized, what the babies are up to these days. The usual.
We said our ‘have a good weekends’ and started packing into the car, but just then Mom #2 came scurrying back.
Mom #2: Have you noticed they sometimes feed the kids junk food at snack time?
Me: Yea, last week they sent me a picture of him eating a donut hole (laughing)…they really seem to lean into national food days.
Mom #2: Yea…I’m not sure what to do about it. I don’t want to bring snacks because that’s annoying for everyone.
Me: Agreed. I asked a few other moms about it who are at similar style daycares and they say it’s the same there. I figure it’s just part of it.
Mom #2: Once they gave her a pop-tart! I called the pediatrician, but they didn’t call me back so I guess it’s fine. I don’t know why, but pop-tarts sent me over the edge.
I thought, wait, wait, wait, You called the pediatrician?! At this moment, time slams to a stop like I’m Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky. I immediately wonder what other hilarity is on any given pediatrician’s voice mail. He’s been drooling on himself all day! or What should I do if my son ate carpet lint yesterday?
I wondered what she was hoping they’d say? Get to the emergency room ASAP so we can pump that baby’s stomach!
What Mom #2 needed was empathy. Friday afternoon, drained from work, distracted by the thought of my old Ukrainian students glued to the television, my tank was empty.
When our empathy is constantly weighed down by both the needs of our inner circle and digital access to far away problems, it can be a struggle to keep it in high supply. So many days we’ve exhausted ourselves with the doom scroll that when we physically face a human in need, we have nothing left to give. Maybe that’s the hardest thing to swallow.
I was going to pair this story with a ranking of fruit flavored pop-tarts. The kind of content built for passing idle time pleasantly. I planned to start with how raspberry and grape are more aromatic, helping differentiate them from their jewel-toned siblings. Continue with the merits of eating them toasted to illicit any difference in flavor that was not visually queued by a color combination of frosting and sprinkles. Close with the immense flattening effect of eating them at room temperature.
Then I realized that with each additional pop-tart I consumed, more than anything they tasted like 1995. The valley between the death of Kurt Cobain and the formation of my third family. My dad standing in the kitchen folding toasted Kash n’ Karry frosted cherry toaster pastries lengthwise so they fit in his glass of milk. The same year Amazon sold their first book and Starbucks their first Frappuccino. A landmark year for the flattening of taste.
Reading - The Personality Brokers: The Strange History of Myers-Briggs and the Birth of the Personality Test by Merve Emre (2019) which indicates that helicopter parenting is at least a century old past time.
Watching - Tár by Todd Field (2022) which may have staged the best dismissal of the importance of cucumber salad I’ve seen in ages.
Snacking - on Van Leeuwen Earl Grey Tea ice cream, a frozen bergamot punch in the face if I ever did taste one.
Listening - mostly 1960s Motown and soul fed to me by The Algorithm.
Smelling - Invisible Post by 19-69 (2020) where the combination of green fig and cedarwood perfectly replicates an inland Florida summer.
welcome back!! did the cafes/bakeries in your area ever go through that phase of selling fancy poptarts? they did in ny and i 100% always enjoyed them
Continuing the welcome back chorus!