the sweatpants of summer cocktails
in two iced-tea steps.
The walls of summer are closing in. The abject terror of an autumn plagued with rising case rates and a deluge of senseless pumpkin spice products fills the air. We try to psych ourselves up with the prospect of fresh corn, but on the spectrum of seasonal food romance ice-cold cocktails outdoors are always going to eclipse the half hour of preparation it takes to even make a butternut squash cookable.
So if you’re trying to squeeze in one more party before summer ends, you must have drinks. But not the hard-pants cocktails of the past decade made with 18 ingredients in a dark urban bar by a mustached vest. Like the rest of us, you’ll probably want to ease into this post-vaccination life with a couple soft-pants-forgot-how-to-socialize-but-am-also-losing-my-mind-at-home-alone recipes that whisper, “I’m glad you’re here, but this is all I have in me.”
Which is basically an iced-tea cocktail. Easy, cheap, mixes with all the fruits and doesn’t go flat. You need bubbles? Go grab a White Claw. It’s very 2019 to pretend you won’t.
Now is an iced-tea mixer my first thought because I grew up in the South or because my mother allowed herself the singular southern habit of making homemade iced-tea so strong, sweet and thick we dubbed it “jet fuel”? You’ll have to Ask Jeeves.
What I did learn this summer is that the versatility of iced-tea cocktails is not universal knowledge. Chalk it up to a group of friends in Baltimore who are mostly transplants. Or that most non-alcoholic pre-flavored tea is like drinking a brown Mad Dog. Or even a Twisted Tea. God help us.
In any event, I did not expect to come out of a year in hibernation throw a batch of homemade iced-tea near a warm bottle of Polish vodka, a jug of lemonade and some ice on a table next to my AC box and have it be the talk of the party.
Many, many questions were fielded about these drinks. Methods, brands, mixing strategies. Although in retrospect the buzz around these drinks may be the perfect example of what conversation looks like when people don’t socialize for 18 months. Well intentioned, but kind of confusing and driven by of a lack of better source material.
So get out there, get yourself to a cookout, chat with a loose acquaintance and drink some iced-tea before we have to pack it all up and head into another season of potential solitude where we come out thinking sock choices are interesting conversation starters.
The Jan Daly
The classic Arnold Palmer, but drunk and a bit Polish. The bison grass vodka is worth seeking out because it’s earthy flavor pairs particularly well with tea. The basic ratio is something like 2:2:1 for tea: lemonade: vodka. Unless you want it to be something else.
what you need
6 cups (48 ounces) water ◾ 2 bags Tetley’s iced tea ◾ 6 cups (48 ounces) lemonade, not from concentrate ◾ 750ml Żubrówka bison grass vodka
what to do
Bring water to a boil. Remove from heat and add tea bags. Let steep for 5-10 minutes, remove tea bags and cool completely.
To serve, add tea, lemonade and vodka to a large pitcher and stir. Alternatively, set ingredients out for folks to self regulate sweetness and alcohol levels.
pomegranate-ginger sweet tea
This recipe lands a lot closer to fresh fruit sweetened tea than pre-sweetened package versions. If you like your tea sweeter, double the simple syrup recipe.
what you need
6 cups (48 ounces) water ◾ 2 bags Tetley’s iced tea ◾ 16 ounces (~1/2 a 750ml) aged dark rum (like Cruzan)
simple syrup: 1/2 cup sugar ◾ 1/2 cup pure pomegranate juice ◾ 1 tablespoon minced ginger ◾ 1/2 teaspoon dried ground ginger
what to do
Bring water to a boil. Remove from heat and add tea bags. Let steep for 5-10 minutes, remove tea bags and cool completely.
To make pomegranate syrup add all remaining ingredients to a sauce pan and bring to a simmer. Continue simmering on low for 10 minutes. Cool completely.
“So what do you learn out there?” I asked, pointing out at the gravel disappearing into the horizon.
“The first thing you learn is how to make tea,” he said.
Reading - Eating the Whale - A Personal History of Meat by Wyatt Williams (Harper’s Magazine - 2021)
Listening - Last Year Was Weird, Vol. 2 by Tkay Maidza (2020)
Watching - Roadrunner: A Film About Anthony Bourdain by Morgan Neville (2021)
Smelling - A bunch of mediocre floral Jo Malone perfumes